(no subject)

[balthier-strahl.livejournal.com]

Who: Balthier and Larsa
What: Tantrums and Talking
Where: Archades
When: After Vayne's Funeral
Rating: PG-13

Balthier stood at the doorway of the chapel. He and Fran had waited in Archades during the funeral, not feeling it right to go inside when it was their fault Vayne was dead. As soon as the mourners had left, Balthier had separated from Fran and made his way to the chapel. He stood there, watching Larsa silently before slowly walking down the aisle towards the altar.

 

By now the young man was resting his head on the side of the casket, shaking slightly and trying his best to stay calm.  He had lost his brother twice.  Both of those times at the hands of Balthier.  The small teen jerked openly at the footsteps after that few moments of silence.  He turned slowly, glaring at Balthier the moment he recognized him through watery eyes.  "So you come to his second funeral?  Do you feel sorry this time, Pirate?"

 

"Certainly." He replied, hiding the wince at Larsa's harsh words. He continued to walk towards him, looking into the open casket at the man he had murdered. "Hm. He looks peaceful."

 

The pre-teen shifted in his place, looking back to his brother and slowly tracing his fingers over the crest on the casket.  "Peaceful...Is a word that cannot describe any Solidor.  No matter how hard we try it ends in war."

 

"War was averted this time." He replied, leaning against a pew. "No doubt you are angry at me?" He crossed his arms, looking to his feet.

 

Larsa moved over to the other male then, lifting his hand to slap him but just letting it linger in the air.  "You had so little faith in me.  You believed I would call rape on you...You've removed my brother from my life twice...Not you're going to fly away, right?  Go somewhere new and exciting.  Somewhere away from me like you always do."  He dropped his hand back down, moving to his brothers casket and just standing over it, the same hand that he had thought of slapping Balthier with was shaking now, gently touching Vayne’s cold cheek.  "He used to be..S-so warm.."

 

Balthier watched Larsa without even a flinch as his hand raised. Without a word, he listened to the boy but as Larsa touched Vayne's face a frown appeared on Balthier's face. "Death is not meant to be warm." He replied. He wasn't sure about moving to touch the boy.

 

"Death was not yet meant to be here!  It has come early for this family far too many times!"  The small emperors voice cracked slightly then and he coughed, he rubbed at his eyes a moment before leaning down and kissing his brothers forehead.  Twice he had gone through this.  This time he didn't want to leave, he didn't want to move.  Slowly he fell back to his knees.

 

He shifted to kneel beside Larsa, resting one hand on the boy's back. "Death comes when it comes. We cannot choose this." He frowned slightly, trying to sound rational despite the alcohol Fran had given him.

 

He jumped when touched, clutching at the casket like a lifeline and letting his breath hitch, his eyes water.  He let his body start to shake.  "Just go, Pirate, fly away.  Let Solidor fall, Arcadia crumble."

 

"Stop calling me 'pirate'. Use my name, boy." He replied, unable to stop himself from standing up and picking Larsa up like a small child.

 

He whimpered loudly as soon as he couldn't hold onto the casket anymore,  squirming to get free.  "Let me go...Just let me stay here!"

 

Balthier held onto the boy's body, hugging him caringly. "It is not your place to cry at his feet. You should stand tall." He looked at Larsa's face.

 

He shook his head quickly and closed his eyes tight,  pushing and squirming still.  "No...No, no, no.." After a few moments he got free and moved to the casket again, touching the larger mans face one more time.  "Vayne...C-Common...Get up, you can't die yet...S-Stop pretending..."  He whimpered this out, his other hand gently shaking the body.  "V-Vayne...B-Brother..."

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose a moment before pulling Larsa away and holding him a lot tighter than before. "You cannot do this to yourself, Larsa!" He held the boy tightly and began to carry him from the chapel.

 

He squirmed anyway, ignoring what pain he got from moving his body against the grip.  "Noo!   Just leave me here!"  He shouted, reaching back toward the casket.  "Set me down!"

 

Balthier fought to keep hold of Larsa and eventually managed to get him into the quiet street. He carried him towards a bench. "Larsa!! Stop moving, boy!!"

 

Eventually he just went limp, collapsing where ever he was and just sobbing, both hands covering his mouth as he did.

 

Balthier sat on the bench and held Larsa close, cradling the crying child. "There, there, my sweet boy. Cry 'til your heart cannot cry any longer." He murmured, holding him caringly.

 

It took the pre teen a while to stop crying, having never really done it before, or at least to this extent.  He had always been proud, strong.  Nothing had brought him truly down.  But to lose his brother twice was something his heart couldn't quite take.

 

He held Larsa close through the entire time, whispering into his ear reassuringly. Once the tears were done, he wiped them from Larsa's cheeks.

 

"I'm   E-emperor again then..." His voice was quiet, hoarse as he spoke, staring towards where his brother’s body would lay.

 

Balthier glanced in that direction before returning his gaze to Larsa. "You were a far better emperor than he ever was or could be."

 

"Not to a country of war.  They will overthrow me again..."

 

"Larsa, look around. There is no war. The war died with Vayne." He replied, brushing the boy's hair away from his face.

 

"No...You yourself know how much the judges rejoiced at having Vayne back.  I can't replace them all, and eve if I could manage to find people to work for the empire, the ones I tried to be rid of will find a way back in."

 

Balthier sighed softly. "And I will simply have to protect you." He pulled Larsa into a cuddle, holding him as the child he was. "If this does not go well, I shall kidnap you."

 

He nuzzled slightly at the other man when cuddled close, shivering and closing his eyes.  "I'd wanted you to, Balthier.  To keep me away from my brother..."

 

"Larsa... will you make me a promise?" He looked down to the boy's face, smiling softly at him.

 

"If I can..."

 

"Promise you will try to make this emperor role work. If not, I will already know. If you make a mess or the Imperials try to overthrow you, Fran and I shall kidnap you."

 

Larsa nods slightly, rubbing at his eyes and taking a deep breath.   "You know very well that I cannot not try."

 

"I do." He kissed the top of Larsa's head. "I... believe that you... if you need a brotherly figure... think of me that way." He looked away.

 

"I can't Balthier.  Even though you will never return it I'm in love with you."  He sighed softly, shivering and closing his eyes tightly.

 

Balthier groaned slightly, keeping an arm around the boy. "Loving me is foolish. I has told this to Fran and all others who've claimed to 'love' me. I shall only break your heart."

 

"Then you should know that I don't care.  My hearts made it's decision."

 

"Then I cannot allow us this closeness. It will only serve to harm you further." He slipped his arm away, shifting slightly.

 

Larsa nodded and just squirmed away entirely,  patting himself down and just heading back to the chapel.

 

Balthier saw the direction Larsa headed in and ran over, tossing Larsa over his shoulder and carrying towards the Aerodrome.

 

The teen just whined when grabbed, smacking Balthier’s back a few times before just giving up.  "Just let me go back.  Someone else will come get me..."

 

"No. And hit me again. I dare you." He had a serious streak in his tone as he walked along. "You are twelve, almost thirteen years of age. I would expect better. Children younger than you do not even hit."

 

"It's not like my fist can damage you...If I tried I'd hurt myself more than anything."  He mumbles, whimpering and just squirming again.  "Let me go be with my brother a little while longer...."

 

Balthier slid Larsa down to hold him like a toddler. "You can visit his graveside later. For now, I shall take you for a rest on your airship. I will lay with you. Hm?"

 

He whined a little when moved, staring at the pirate with slightly red eyes, sniffling a little even.  "Do you not want me to go see him?"

 

"Honestly, no. You will waste away at his side. I care too much to let you do that to yourself." He leaned in, kissing Larsa chastely, not hinting to anything romantic.

 

He turned his head to the side so the kiss was caught on his cheek rather then by his lips.  "Don't patronize me.  I'll waste away and his grave the same I would at his side."

 

"Then I shall have you locked away." He frowned, disliking that Larsa would turn from the kiss. "If you think I was patronizing you, I apologize."

 

"It was. You know I love you and you think of me as a child.  What more could a kiss be but patronizing..."  He squirmed a little again, still trying to get away.

 

Balthier turned into a side street and slipped Larsa to his feet, pinning him to the wall and lifting his chin to look into his eyes. "You should know I have a level of affection for you. I would not have fucked you into a sofa if I didn't." His voice was quite serious.

 

He flushed and tensed up slightly at the last sentence, keeping his gaze away.  "You said several times that you wouldn't do it if you weren't drunk...I brought it on...I pushed you to do it everyway I could."

 

"Damnit, Larsa, if I were able to, I would do it right this moment!" He snapped. With a sigh, he slumped to sit on the ground, looking up at Larsa's face. "You pushed me into nothing. I am an adult, I can almost think for myself."

 

He jumped slightly at the shout, hugging his stomach.  "But you won't...And you never will again.  So why kiss me?"

 

"I... do not know." He sighed, face-palming for a moment. "Larsa, come here." He held his arms out to the boy, looking at him.

 

He hesitated a moment before moving over to the other man, kneeling near him.

 

Balthier pulled Larsa closer and held him tightly. "I do love you Larsa. I have always loved you. Perhaps in a way we both cannot agree on but I wish for us to always be close. To trust eachother."

 

"You don't trust me.  You may think you do...But you don't, you believed that I would call rape on you.  I trust you whole heartedly, you could do anything to me and I wouldn't care, because it would be you." He shook slightly then, hiding his face.  "But you, Balthier, can never return that kind of trust to anyone but Fran."

 

"I've known Fran many years, Larsa. She has helped me find who I am. I will not feel ashamed for my devotion and trust in her." He brushed Larsa's hair away. "I did not truly believe you were calling it on me. I supposed you had been forced. I am sorry... but you should understand the fear I felt."

 

"You should know aswell how much it hurt to find that you thought it was me."  He still didn't want to look at the other man, shaking a little more now.  "She's perfect for you Balthier...I'm sorry I got in the way."

 

"You didn't get in the way, I wavered. I seem to be doing it a lot recently." He sighed then kissed Larsa's head. "You decide. Go and waste at the chapel or come with me to your airship." He slipped the boy off his lap and stood, dusting off.

 

"I just...W-Want a little...longer."  He said softly, whimpering and rubbing at his eyes.  "Last time...I spent hours at an empty casket.  This time...H-He's actually in there."

 

Balthier leaned down and kissed Larsa's head. "I shall wait with you." He held a hand out to Larsa, not expecting him to take it.

 

But he did, he took the hand and squeezed in gently, biting at his lip and slowly moving back towards the chapel.  "He may...Have gone truly insane, but he was the only family I had left."

 

"Family is not measured by blood, Larsa. If it were, that would leave me with a psychopath for family whilst you, Penelo, Vaan, Ashe, Basch... you would all be alone in the world. You are not."

 

"You are all family to me.  But...He was my brother."  He paused then, flashing a small smile to the pirate.  "I met your brother you know...Netzach...He looks like you."

 

"I shall leave that comment where it is. My brothers... no. Netzach is not my family. Mustadio, he is. Gods know where he went." He shook his head a little, squeezing Larsa's hand as they stepped into the chapel.

 

He tensed when the two walked into the room his brother lay, steps faltering slightly before he moved forward again.  "When Vayne found out about what we did...Netzach had me in the same room that he had Fran...there is still mist lingering in me, I'm still poisoned.  When I spoke, I didn't realize what I was saying."

 

"It is done now. Think no more on it or it shall eat at you." He kissed Larsa's hand before releasing it. "You go to his side. I will wait back."

 

He moved forward slowly, kneeling by the casket and just resting his forehead on the side, closing his eyes and merely sitting there.  After a couple of hours he moved to lay down, a few more hours he fell asleep.

 

Balthier scooped up the boy carefully and carried him silently to the aerodrome. Ignoring all whispers and comments and stares, the pirate carefully handed Larsa to a judge and nodded once before heading towards the Strahl, rather tense.

 

Larsa made a few little sounds when moved, curling to Balthier and making a little sound of protest when handed over.  Not long after he lay in the actual bed though, he fell into a deep sleep.