(no subject)

[xshatterheartx.livejournal.com]

Who: Balthier, Squall, Fran and Doctor Kadowaki
When: After the miscarriage
Where: Balamb Garden
What: Dealing with the loss of the baby
Rating: R



Squall was sat in his office working on a pile of paperwork. He must have signed his name three hundred times on various forms, in duplicate, even triplicate at times. His pile was slowly shrinking, which was good because he was almost out of coffee. He jumped slightly as his cellphone rang and vibrated on the desk beside him. He scooped it up and checked the display, seeing Balthier's name. He pressed a button and answered the call. "Balthier?"

The pirate wasn't even sure how to begin, leaving a quiet pause for a moment. Once he spoke, his voice shook. "We make for Balamb Garden... I've a request of you." He muttered. He sounded exhausted and weak... and broken.

Squall frowned slightly and shifted in his seat at the sound of Balthier's voice. "Balthier? Is something wrong? Has something happened?"

Balthier was quiet for a long while, save for his shaking breath as he held back tears. He piloted single-handedly, his eyes on the sky. "Fran... nh... She has still-birthed. O-our child is dead."

Squall let out a shocked squeak, quickly covering his mouth to hide his sounds. "Oh... Balth... I... I'm sorry. I... I don't know what to say... I.. I'm... wow... I'm sorry." He swallowed hard, not sure what to say. What could you say to a man who had just lost his child? "How is Fran?"

"She is unwell. Her heart aches." He closed his eyes a brief second. "My request... may we bury our daughter in the warrior graveyard?"

"Gods~... Of course! If you are sure you wish her to be so far from home. But of course! I can arrange that... I can take care of all those kind of arrangements if you wish, if it is too hard for you and Fran."

"That would be good, thank you. We will come by Balamb Garden just to... explain all we wish for our child." He furrowed his brow. "I must inform Vaan and Penelo, also, though I do not know what... what to do with our child during all this time..."

"Bring her with you. We can keep her here in our morgue; it will... preserve her far better than the sky, especially in Rabanastre's heat." Squall paused. "I apologise, I do not mean to speak so coldly of your child."

"No, it is fine. You only speak honestly." He swallowed hard then hit autopilot, resting back in the seat and covering his eyes with his free hand, letting out a shaking sigh.

Squall frowned. "How are you holding up?" He knew it was a rather stupid question, but he couldn't help but ask.

Balthier frowned, closing his eyes behind his hand. "I... I do not know. I feel numb and empty... but I cannot begin to imagine what Fran feels..."

"Was a doctor with her when she..." He shook his head and sighed. "Has she had any medical treatment?"

"No... she was alone. In our bathroom. She has had no treatment, she... she pulls away from me; I cannot get to aid her."

"Jeeze..." Squall sighed out. He couldn't even imagine what the pair were going through. He couldn't imagine what it was like to deliver a child yourself, especially when the child was dead. "Bring her, the Doc can look over her, and maybe give her seomthing to ease the pain... physically and emotionally."

"I shall." He glanced out of the window, furrowing his brow. "We are nearing Balamb... though it is rather late at night. Is it wise for us to come now?"

"I'll have the doors unlocked for you both. Come straight to the Infirmary." Squall murmured, getting up from his chair, crossing the office towards the exit.

"Thank you. I shall speak with her now." At that, he hung up and swiftly moved the Strahl to dock. Balthier stood and headed back for the bedroom.

Fran was sat on the bed, wrapping in a towelling robe. Her hair was still damp and she hadn't bothered to tie it up. She cradled the dead child in her arms, tracing her finger over the tiny ears lightly.

Squall made his way down to the main entrance, telling the person on duty to let Balthier and Fran in when they arrived, before moving to the Infirmary to advise the doctor of their arrival shortly.

Balthier moved to sit beside her, brushing a hand over her hair. "I have spoken with Squall. He says he will handle arrangements for a funeral. The doctor will be waiting to aid you, Fran." He reached a hand to gently touch their daughter's cheek.

"I do not require aid. I am fine." Fran murmured, holding the child a little tighter, holding her protectively.

Balthier lowered his hand, furrowing his brow. "You must have a check up, Fran. I shall carry you there if I must."

"If you are to carry me, then who shall tend to Krja?" Fran asked, not lifting her gaze from the dead child.

"I shall bring her with me!" He stood, leaving to Krja's room and placing her in the sling, not waking her, and moving it to his back. Once he'd done so, he returned to the bedroom and crossed his arms. "Come now. Just put on one of my shirts and some underwear. We must go and get you looked over."

Fran continued to cradle her child, not lifting her gaze from her. She shook her head. "No. I wish to stay here."

"Fran, please... I need to know you are not harmed." He spoke with a shaking voice, tears welling in his eyes at her refusals.

"I am fine..." Fran murmured, not mentioning that she had bled more in the bath. "I simply need rest."

"Fran! Just come with me! Damnit, this has hurt me too and I wish to be sure you are well!" His words shook as tears ran down his face.

Fran stood, holding the dead infant protectively in her arms. She began to walk unsteadily, ignoring the dizziness she was feeling.

Balthier frowned. "You should dress, I do not wish for you to feel uncomfortable." He looked away, not making an attempt to touch the child, knowing she'd refuse to let him hold her.

"For what purpose? To be stripped and poked at by doctors?" Fran murmured, her ears laying flat against her head as she exited the Strahl.

Balthier furrowed his brow, brushing away the tears on his face as he followed her. He was still bloodied and felt as though... she blamed him for it all.

Fran walked towards Balamb Garden's main entrance, her shoeless clawed feet tapping against the road.

Balthier followed after her, heading to the infirmary without a word, shifting Krja around to have her against his chest.

Squall waited at the Infirmary for the pirate duo. He'd made sure a bed was prepared at that the doctor was on standby.

Fran held the lifeless child closer against her chest, walking towards the Infirmary, feeling like a heavy weight was crushing down on her shoulders.

The doctor stood by Squall, her eyes solemn. She'd all but predicted this child's death for the pirate lovers.

As they made it into the infirmary, Balthier refused to look up from their eldest child, his hand against her side.

Squall swallowed hard as the pirate's entered the room. He moved over to Balthier, and puled him into a hug, being careful not to crush Krja between them. "I'm so sorry." He wanted to hug Fran too, but he was afraid she may break if he were to try.

Fran laid the dead child down gently and unfastened the robe, letting it slip from her body. Her inner thighs were damp with blood. She shifted to the bed, not looking at anyone in the room.

The doctor helped Fran onto the bed then drew a curtain around the bed, blocking out Squall and Balthier. From there, she seated herself beside Fran, resting a hand on the bed but not on her. "Tell me what happened, please, Fran."

Balthier tensed and stepped back, curling both arms around Krja and looking away, not wanting to tell Squall to get away but not wanting to be touched right then.

Fran's ears drooped, her eyes fixing on her feet. "I had terrible stomach cramps, and then the bleeding and the smell of death." She shook her head. "I had no choice but to deliver her myself."

Squall frowned and stuffed his hands in his pockets, staring at his feet. "Do you want to go up to my office while the Doc is with Fran, or you want to stay here and wait for her?"

"I see. Well, I will give you a check up, but if something hurts, tell me so. Do not just grit your teeth and bear it." At that, the doctor began her check up.

Balthier hugged Krja close. "I... I do not know..." He looked to the floor before looking to the dead infant. "C-can you take me to this... morgue?" He shifted Krja to his back then lifted the deceased baby, holding her close to his heart.

Fran winced every so often. She was so tender and sore, everywhere hurt. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears pricking there.

Squall gave a nod. "Sure..." He moved to the door and held it open for Balthier. He started to walk towards the elevator, fishing his keycard from his pocket as he walked.

The doctor was as quick and efficient as possible, trying to hurt Fran as little as she possibly could. Once she'd finished, she removed her gloves and seated herself again. "You have cut yourself with your claws. I shall give you painkillers and sleeping pills. Also, you should apply potions to aid healing."

Balthier followed Squall silently, hating how different each child felt against him. Krja was warm and breathing against his back. This infant was cold and still against his chest.

Fran gave a nod, but did not reply with words. She drew up her knees, hugging them to her chest, burying her face in them.

Once they were in the basement, Squall led Balthier down another corridor, swiping the keycard through a slot, opening a door to a chilled room, one wall lined with body drawers, most of which were currently empty.

The doctor watched Fran a moment. "Would you like an ear to bend and a shoulder to cry on? I am a trained counsellor..."

Balthier shivered slightly, wondering how cold it would be for Krja and casting a Shell over her. At that, he looked to Squall for guidance, seeing as there were no morgues in Ivalice.

Fran shook her head. "No. I am... fine." She murmured, holding her knees tighter.

Squall moved to one of the empty drawers and pulled it out. "Well... This is the morgue. These drawers are where the bodies are kept."

The doctor rested her hand lightly on Fran's arm for a moment before pulling it back. "You mustn't blame yourself or your partner for this. Miscarriages happen with every species I've encountered. It is just one of the horrible facts of life."

Balthier gave a slight nod then raised his child to kiss her nose lightly. He kept her wrapped in her towel as he laid her in the morgue drawer then turned swiftly, not wishing to wait in the room any longer.

Tears rolled down Fran's cheeks. "I should have been stronger. I should have been able to protect her from harm."

Squall watched Balthier turn away and moved to grab a pair of tags simply labelling them 'Baby Bunansa' and the date of death. He attached one to one of those tiny ears and the other to the drawer handle. "Sleep sweet, little one." He murmured, before closing the drawer, turning to follow Balthier.

The doctor shifted to hold Fran's hand with both of her own. "You did nothing wrong, Fran. It is not your fault that this happened. The child was just too small and not strong enough in herself. It is not your fault."

Balthier had shifted Krja back to his chest and waited at the elevator for Squall, craddling Krja. He could only smell the stench of the blood on his shirt from cleaning the bathroom earlier.

"I let her down, and in doing so I have let Balthier down." Fran murmured, burying her face in her knees once more.

Squall quickly caught up to Balthier, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as he pressed the button to the top floor.

"No, Fran, I am sure he feels as much at fault about this as you do. This isn't your fault, it is a fact of life we are yet to overcome." She stroked her hand down Fran's arm. "You must rest. I will walk with you to your airship, if you don't wish to rest here."

Balthier furrowed his brow and stepped into the elevator, going with Squall to the top floor, his eyes on Krja, his face looking rather blank and emotionless.

Fran shook her head. "It is fine. It is only a short walk. Thank you for your aid." She murmured, shifting to climb off the bed to retrieve her towelling robe.

Squall led Balthier to his office, closing the door behind them both. He moved over to his desk and pulled out a hip flask full of Esthar's finest gin, holding it out to Balthier. "Here."

The doctor moved to get painkillers and sleeping pills. "I think Squall has taken your partner and your daughter to his office. Should I put a call in to them to get your lover to join you?"

Balthier shook his head, looking down at Krja and pulling her close. "I cannot drink with Krja near. I refuse to let her see that of me..." He murmured.

Fran once more shook her head. "No, it is fine. He will find far more comfort in Squall's arms this night than he shall by my side." She offered a weak smile, taking the medications from the doctor.

"I think this is an exception to the rule." Squall murmured, moving in to rest his hand on Balthier's arm. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I don't know the extent of Squall's relationship with your lover but I don't think the young commander has anything improper planned. He'll probably offer him a drink." She offered a gentle smile in reply. "If you need me, you can stop by at any time."

Balthier pulled his feet up onto a chair as he sat, cradling Krja closer. "I do not know... I sense Fran blames me... she has anger and I am unsure how to act. I'm trying to be strong but..." He choked slightly, closing his eyes.

"I thank you." Fran murmured, curling her hand around the medications tighter. She turned and quickly exited the room, making her way back to the Strahl alone.

Squall frowned and pulled Balthier's head against his stomach, threading his fingers through the man's hair. "I'm sure she doesn't blame you, Balth. She's just hurting and doesn't know how to react." He gave a heavy sigh. "You don't have to be strong now."

Balthier pulled away, looking to Krja. "Of course I have to be strong. For Krja... for Fran, even if she hates." He shook a little, looking up to Squall.

Squall continued to stroke Balthier's hair, looking down at him. "You cannot be strong all the time, you need to give yourself time to grieve. Let me be your rock for once."

Balthier furrowed his brow. "I refuse to crumble with Krja in my arms. She needs me as Fran is not well..." He could feel the tears welling in his eyes.

Squall leaned down, scooping Krja from the sling, cradling her against his own chest. "She is not in your arms now."

Balthier pulled the sling off and placed it on the desk, curling his knees tight against his chest and burying his face in them, shaking as he held his tears in.

Squall used his free hand to stroke Balthier's hair. "It's okay to cry. Don't hold your tears in, Balth, let them out." Squall moved over to the other side of the office, tipping some files out of a plastic storage box, before taking his jacket from the back of his chair, using it to line the box, creating a makeshift crib for Krja to sit in.

Balthier choked slightly, fighting the tears before letting out a weak sob, shaking as he did so. His heart ached and he felt Fran hated him for the loss of their young daughter. He grieved. For both the loss of his child and the loss of his love.

Squall lay Krja in the box before moving to kneel in front of Balthier, pulling the man into a loose hug, wanting to comfort him but not wishing to crowd him.

The pirate slipped his feet from the chair and wrapped his arms around Squall, burrying his face in Squall's shoulder as he cried. "I... I apologise... I should not bring this to you. You've troubles and a life of your own..."

Squall rested a hand on Balthier's back, the other once more finding the man's hair. He rocked slightly, rocking Balthier in his arms. "I'm always here for you, Balth."

"It is all my fault, Squall. I caused her distress and she lost the baby because of my actions." He shifted from the chair, curling into Squall and feeling considerably smaller than he normally felt around the teen.

Squall frowned. "Don't say that, I'm sure that's not the reason. It's probably just coincidence. You can't blame yourself Balth, it's just one of those damnable things we cannot prevent."

"I shouted at her, Squall. I accused her of not wanting to marry me. I walked out, suggesting I would not return!" He pulled back to look at the teen's face. "I frightened her and broke her heart enough to make her lose our child."

Squall sighed and held Balthier tighter. "Don't blame yourself, Balth. Fran is a strong woman, I'm sure not even your raised voice is enough to truly break her."

"You do not know her as I do. She has a strength to others but we know how to break each other in the worst ways." He shook as he held onto Squall, sniffling as more tears fell.

Squall rubbed the small of Balthier's back, holding him protectively. "Have you asked her if she blames you?"

"You think I've the guts, Squall? I am too afraid to even look at her for fear of her giving me the coldest of gazes." He muttered.

"Do you want me to speak with her once the sun rises?" Squall asked, nuzzling Balthier slightly.

"I am unsure it would help. I do not begrudge you and Rinoa your happiness, but it may hurt Fran to hear words from someone whom knows not her pain and assists me in causing other forms of pain." He clung to Squall, tears running as he spoke into the teen's neck.

Squall gave a nod and held Balthier tighter. "I understand." He once more threaded his fingers through Balthier's hair. "I cannot even begin to imagine what you're both feeling. If Rin lost our baby, I... I don't know what I would do. He is my reason for fighting."

Balthier choked slightly, looking to Squall with a tear-stricken face. He so wanted to tell Squall of Rinoa's secret but he'd sworn secrecy and wouldn't harm Rinoa's trust. "...I shall return to the Strahl... though I know not what to do..."

Squall brushed some of the tears away with his thumbs. "You are welcome to stay here if you're not ready to face Fran yet."

"No... even if she blames me, I must be there for her tonight." He rested his hands on Squall's wrists, looking at him weakly.

Squall leaned in to press a chaste kiss against Balthier's lips. "I'm always here for you. For both of you. If you need me just call and I'll be there."

Balthier returned the gentle kiss then gave a slight nod. "Thank you..." He shifted to stand, shaking slightly as he pulled the sling back on. He moved to scoop up Krja, laying her gently in the sling before looking to Squall with a weak smile.

Squall returned the smile. "Take care of yourself, Balth. Take care of each other." He murmured.

Balthier gave a nod then turned, moving to the door and heading back for the Strahl.

Squall watched Balthier leave before collecting his thoughts. He scooped up his jacket and exited the office, making his back to his dorm room, hoping not to wake Rinoa.