(no subject)

[leatheredlion.livejournal.com]

Who: Ward, Squall & Laguna
When: Afternoon
Where: Esthar
What: Squall visits Laguna
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of self-harming – may trigger)



It was Ward who had made one of the trusted maids to call, since he himself had, after all, no voice. he did not wish to call Squall really, knowing the other had troubles of his own, but Laguna simply would not 'listen' to him, and Kiros did not wish to speak with the cloud minded President at all.

The girl waited for the phone to be picked up, shuffling the note Ward had given her around in her hands.

Squall was laid out on his bed. He felt terrible. The video night at Rinoa's had been a disaster, and he felt so damn guilty about the whole thing. He reached for his phone when it rang, not bothering to check the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Mr Squall Leonhart? My name is Clair Nomand, I work at the presidential palace of Esthar. I call on the behalf of Advisor Ward Zaback. I have a message to relay to a Squall."

"Speaking..." Squall murmured, shifting to sit up a little. "What's the message?" He asked, sounding a little worried.

"Mr Zabac tell me to inform you that there has been an accident concerning your father, and that you should.. that you should come to the presidential palace as soon as you have the opportunity." She sounded nervous, which was not odd, considering she had the huge Ward towering over her.

Squall blinked. "An accident?! What kind of accident?? Is Laguna okay? What has happened?" The young man spoke, barely pausing for breath.

"President Laguna is fine. But Advisor Zaback say that he wishes you to come to speak with him, that the President refuse to respond to his own tries. He is.. " She took a breath, gazing up at Ward, wishing she was not the one having to say it. "He tells me to ask you to come, that he do not wish things like this to be discussed over the phone in case the press get a hold of it."

"... ..." Squall fell silent for quite a long while. "I'll be there as soon as I can be..." He murmured, before hanging up. He got himself dressed and took the hover bike to Esthar.

Ward stood waiting for Squall as he arrived, stoic as ever. He had a notebook so that he could communicate with Squall as he needed. "Hello" was written on it.

Squall landed the bike and stepped off, rubbing his lower back where it ached. "Ward? What's going on?" He asked as he walked over to the large man.

'Laguna is not .. well. He will not eat or sleep. Yesterday, he claims he was cleaning one of his guns, and accidentally shot himself. I do not believe he was cleaning any gun. ' He noted down, showing to Squall. 'Kiros refuse to see or talk to him, and 'guna will not talk of it to me' "...." The big man looked gravely at Squall.

Squall sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Jeeze... I never should've pushed him into telling Kiros how he felt..." He frowned, running a hand through his hair. "Is he in his room?"

'Not your fault. he would have told Kiros eventually' He walked with him. 'He is in a hospital unit here in the building. I do not want to leave him unattended. He is not the brightest when it comes to decisions'

Squall gave a nod, quickening his pace slightly, heading towards the hospital unit. He pretty much knew his way around Esthar Palace these days.

Laguna was sitting in a bed, his leg bandaged, wearing a green hospital gown. He looked tired, pale, and had obviously lost weight. His hair was greyer, and he looked more like he was 50, then a usually healthy 42 years old. He glanced up as Squall came in, and he lit of slightly, smiling. "Squall" He put the book down.

Hehad not called Squall 'Kiddo' as usual, nor had he lit up like a sun. "I'm glad to see you."

Squall made his way across the room, giving a slight smile. "You look like crap." He murmured, making no attempt to sugar-coat the fact, sitting in the chair beside the bed, rubbing his stomach slightly.

Laguna gave a dry chuckle. "Such nice words. How are you doing?"

"I've had better weeks." Squall said, shrugging his shoulders. "Anyway, we're not here to talk about me..."

"What has happened? Not everything good at home?" He blatantly avoided the other Squall said.

"A room full of my closest friends saw a video of me and Balthier fucking..." The youth stated simply, looking away slightly.

Laguna got a hot blush. "I thought he was getting married.."

Squall frowned, his brows furrowing. "He is married... We were supposed to be watching the wedding videos but they got mixed up..."

"That sounds. not fun. But.. yeah, we had this discussion before, so I'm not going to start it again:"

"Yeah, well you can't make me feel any worse than I do. Especially since Rinoa had spent most the evening up until that point in my arms." Squall sighed. "Anyway... We're here to talk about you."

"I don’t wanna make you feel worse Kid, That is why I did not wanna take up the discussion." He blatantly ignored the other statement 'again'
"How is Loire?"

"He's doing fine. He's growing so fast though..." Squall looked over at Laguna. "How bout you? How are you?"

"I’m alright. " He answered shortly, almost aggressively. "Has he grown much? What size in clothing do he use?"

"I dunno... Rinoa handles baby clothes shopping. But yeah, he's growing well, you can barely tell he was born prematurely now."

He smiled wide by this. "I'm glad! I will have to call her and ask. Need to find some presents for my only grandchild." He sounded happier now.

Squall gave a slight smile. "You'll have to come and visit him... once your leg heals, of course."

He looked awkward, smiling sheepishly. "Yeah, next time I'll have the guard clean my guns. My thighs are not made for bullets."

Squall frowned, staring at his lap. "Were you really cleaning your gun?" He asked, pouting just a little.

He paled slightly, but his expression did not change. "Of course I was. What else would I do with it." He shrugged. ”It happens. It’s not the first time, and probably not the last either

Squall tilted his head to look at Laguna, his hair falling across his eyes, his gaze locked on the older man. "Are you sure you were't trying to kill yourself? Or something else just as dumb?"

Laguna looked away, not wanting to look his son in the eyes as he lied. "Of course I was not. I would not do anything like that. As I said,I was cleaning my gun."

"Hmph. If that's true, look me in the eye and say it. Look me in the eye and say it was a gun cleaning accident." Squall muttered, frowning more.

Laguna swallowed, his hands in his laps tightening, and he looked down, not replying. “I.. I’m sorry Squall"

Squall gave a heavy sigh. "Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again, do you hear me?! It fixes nothing!! What if you had died?! What would it have fixed?! All it would've done is hurt all those you left behind!!"

Laguna gave a jerk, and he shrank in the bed. "..How can you blame me Squall..? I’ve lost so much now, and.. I can’t handle anymore. I cant always be the man jumping around like an idiot. I hurt too. I can’t ask Ward to take care of me anymore, and Kiros wont even look at me. I have nightmares so bad I weak up screaming and having clawed so hard at my own chest that I bleed. I don’t wish to be the burden I am. "

"No one thinks of you as a burden!! People look after you because they care about you!! Kiros will come around. Look, I'm sorry I made you tell him, but what's done is done. He'll get over it! Killing yourself won't fix anything. It'd just make him feel guilty for the rest of his life!!"

"Please... please don’t yell at me Squall.." he swallowed, and never before had the man been so close to tears, hands shaking. "I.. I never wanted to be president, I never wanted any of this. What I wanted was to just.. live in Winhill with Raine, and raise you. Then Ellone was kidnapped, and Raine died. A part of me died with her Squall, and it has taken me soon to be 20 years to even begin to get over her, despite my interest in Kiros. It has taken me 15 years to tell him, him, the friend I have had since I was just a kid. A friend who will not look at me, much less speak at me. He avoids me as much as possible, and refuses to see me when I wanna talk things over with him." He looked away.

"I am a burden. The real rulers here are Ward and Kiros. I'm just a face that fucks things up that Kiros and Ward have to fix again. I wanted it all to end. I did not wanna force you to accept me when you did not want to, I don’t want Kiros and Ward to be held back because I need help with even tying my own shoelaces. I was the cause of the accident that made Ward loose his voice. I managed to pull down the Whole of Esthar into darkness when I lost my heart because I was being stupid. .. I have so many fuck ups that I cant even count. "

"I understand that, but killing yourself isn't the answer! What about me? I spent the first seventeen years of my life thinking I was an orphan... then you come waltzing back into my life and into my heart, and now you want to leave me behind again??"

"You managed fine without me Squall. You have grown up to become a hero; a chance you would never have gotten had you grown up with me. Edea and Cid were better parents then I could have ever achieved. If I had known about you, I would have had you with me, but I never knew. "

"I managed because I didn't know you were alive. I managed because I had no other choice... But now I know about you, I don't want to lose you again."

Laguna closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm just so tired Squall. Tired of everything. Tired of being alone, despite having my friends around me. I'm old, I've lived my life..." As if 42 was any age. But he felt like he was 80 now.

Squall rubbed at his own eyes. "But I need my dad. Loire needs his grandad." He mumbled, wiping away his own tears.

"Don’t worry Kiddo.." He said low. "Not planning to try again. I might miss again, being me, and fuck, hitting my leg hurt like a bitch."

"That is fate's way of telling you you're an idiot for trying. I know. I have the scars to prove it." His murmured, absently rubbing one of his arms.

Laguna looked up at Squall, eyes wide.

Squall looked away slightly, coughing to clear his throat.

"Tell me. "

"Nothing to tell." Squall replied, settling back in his chair more.

"You made me speak. It's your turn Kiddo. Trust go both ways"

"I used to be a cutter. That's all." The scars were mostly faded now, most of them hard to spot unless you were looking for them.

"Why..?" He looked sad. "Why would you hurt yourself?"

"It was my way of coping when I was younger..." He shook his head. "It fixed nothing."

"Yeah, all teenagers have those periods. Well, I was an even bigger idiot then then now, so not me, but I knew many others had."

"Yeah... most of them don't end up in hospital, sedated to stop them cutting themselves up more.... But like I said. It's the past."

Laguna felt the guilt wash over him more then ever. "I’m sorry for not being there.."

Squall shrugged. "It's in the past, forget." He gave a weak smile. "So... no more hurting yourself, okay?"

"I'll. try my best. I feel better now, but when... but when I try to sleep, when I close my eyes..." He swallowed. "I used to have Kiros to help me through the nightmares."

"The doctors could prescribe dream suppressants, and you have Ward and me."

"I cant force you to stay here at the palace. I am sure you wanna stay with… your friends and loved ones. And Ward has enough with himself and his family."

"You're my dad. I won't just abandon you." Squall huffed, nudging Laguna a little.

Laguna felt guilty. "Don’t stay because you feel sorry for me, Squall."

"I'm staying because I care about you. Idiot." He huffed, rubbing his stomach again.

"Thank you Squall. You have no idea how much it makes me happy. " He paused, noticing the rubbing. "You alright?"

Squall gave a nod. "I'm fine. Ghosting pains from my accident. I get them every so often."

"You been checked for it? Might be some scar tissue having problems healing properly."

"I drop by the Doc's every time we dock in Balamb, I'm sure it's nothing serious." Squall smiled slightly, resting his hands over the spot the spike had pierced.

Laguna looked worried still. "You know, Esthar have come father in medical then Balamb.. Odine could take a look at you?"

Squall's eyes shot up to meet Laguna's, slightly wide. "No... no it's fine... It's nothing..." He really didn't want that madman of a scientist anywhere near him.

"Squall, I know Odine is a bit... weird, but he is an honest to God good doctor."

"A bit weird? He's a lunatic!!" Squall huffed. "I don't want some madman poking at me!"

"He has helped me millions of times when I've managed to hurt myself."

"I'm fine... Honestly. It's not so much a pain as.... a discomfort..."

"Sorry. I just get very worried. You are the only son I have, you know."

"Heh. I'm tougher than I look, ya know."

"Yeah, you’re heck of a lot tougher then me, but that does not mean its not my fatherly right to worry."

Squall gave a soft laugh, settling back in the chair more, curling his knees up beneath him. "Yeah, yeah. I'd be the same if it were Loire."

He smiled heartily. "I am glad you came Squall. I really am."

"Well, someone needs to keep you out of trouble." The youth teased, smiling softly.

He laughed . "I guess. " He rubbed his pale forehead. “You know, if you do wanna stay, I have plenty of empty rooms. And if you want any.. friends to come over, this place is big enough that you will get al the privacy you need"

"I'm quite comfy right here. Besides, I need to make sure you don't do anything else stupid."

He laughed softly. "Thank you. You will have access to everything within the city. Even the Yppsilon, as long as I get it back again." he laughed.

"Yeah, I'll have to return the hover bike to the Strahl sometime soon. But a few days won't hurt."

"Thank you again". He rubbed his forehead. "But if it cause you any trouble, don’t think about me, promise?"

"Heh. There won't be any trouble. It's fine. Now get soem rest, don't make me cast Sleep on you." Squall teased.

He smiled. "I need to ask the docs for meds for my.. nightmares."

Squall gave a nod. "Yeah, it might help. He leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to Laguna's forehead.

"I am sure Ward can find you a suite to have. "

"I think I'll take a walk around the city first. I'll come check on you later, okay?"

"Alright." He smiled. "Be safe!"

"Yeah, you too." Squall smiled soft and got to his feet. "Get some rest."

He smiled as Squall left, calling for the doctor to get some sleep meds.