(no subject)

[frozenlightning.livejournal.com]

Who: Zack, Lightning, Xaon and Kiri
What: Arguing
Where: The Binah
When: Evening
Rating: PG-13

NOTE: This is incomplete. I will post the rest ASAP.


Stirring from her several days of almost constant rest, Lightning felt like Hell. She grasped the sheets for a moment, soon groping at the bed to find Zack. Finally opening her eyes, she found herself alone, dressed in nothing but her own panties and one of Zack's t-shirts, with her hair tied back. She assumed that either Zack or Kiri had cleaned her up and redressed her as she didn't feel all that grimy. "Nh... Zack...?" Her voice came out quiet and she took quite a few moments to actually push herself to sit up.

"Over here." he spoke softly, and stood with a little difficulty, levering himself up off the chair on his good leg, balancing while he got the broken one under him, leaning slightly on a cane he'd acquired since then. He moved over to beside the bed, sitting on the edge and smiling gently to Lightning, "Welcome back t'the land've the livin'."

Letting her arms give way beneath her, she settled back down on the bed. "Hey..." she mumbled, frowning at him. Taking a moment to process what was currently wrong with him, Lightning shoved herself up on her arms once more. "What did you... you idiot!" She clenched her jaw, looking away from him. She couldn't clearly remember it all.

Zack blinked; that wasn't quite what he'd expected to hear first thing from her. He shrugged it off, though it rankled, and tried to put his best foot forward.. metaphorically speaking. "Weird, you ain't on th'wrong side or anythin' like that.." referring to the bed. He smirked gently, "How're ya feelin'?"

"I'm supposed to be a corpse... or... or a crystal. Not living!" She covered her face with one hand, sighing heavily. She assumed he must've done something Heroic. Then she recalled the vague image of the fal'Cie being struck down. "I feel like Hell, if I'm entirely honest." She gave him a hard look. "You shouldn't have got involved."

Zack nodded while she spoke the first part, and had been about to tell her about what he'd done when she gave him that look, and spoke against him in what he considered the most ungrateful thing she'd ever done. "Say what? Tell me, why shouldn't I have gotten involved? Was it when I told you I loved you, or maybe when the two of us made a home and a life together? Maybe after Nabudis, when I got fused with Ramuh t'save yer butt? Why the Hell shouldn't I have gotten involved, Lightnin'?" he actually sounded angry, and it flashed in his eyes.

Lightning shoved herself from the bed, despite how her whole body was screaming at her to just lie down and take it easy. "You shouldn't have got involved because you are not a l'Cie. It was my time, I failed my Focus by giving up my rights as a l'Cie." The woman clenched her fists as she stood at the bedside, her legs threatening to give underneath her. "You've gone and got your leg hurt, too. You should've just let me do my job."

Zack gritted his teeth, but he really couldn't just shrug off his anger this time. "Really? So, what, before yer my partner, before yer my lover, hell, since yer so damned interested in your goddamn -job-, before yer -my- tactician and part of the Binah's crew, which I'm Captain of, yer an l'Cie? Well tough shit, I killed that stupid monster thing, killed it good and damn dead, and saved your hide. So what if I hurt my leg, I've got two!" he stood to make his point, but in his haste he didn't get the unfamiliar cane under him, and fell heavily to the floor, seething.

Feeling quite like a scolded child, she listened to him with a glare fixed perfectly in place the entire time. Then, he was suddenly on the floor and she instantly dropped her angry expression and crossed to him, slower than she would have were she in better physical condition, but she managed to get to him pretty darn swiftly. "Zack..." she wasn't entirely sure what other words were coming next but she reached out, trying to help him up.

Zack brushed off her hands, growling out a rather harsh admonishment, "Get the hell away from me." which, admittedly, he'd regret saying later. Right now, though, he was seething with anger, and the closer she was right then, the more likely he'd take it out on her. What he'd really meant was for her to go away before he really lost it on her. Zack needed some time to breathe.

Lightning swallowed thickly as he brushed her hands away, and then he growled those words and she felt her eyes widen. The greenish bluish colour of her eyes looked sorrowful as her first instinct was to cry, yet she followed her second instinct and slapped him hard across his scarred cheek. "You want me gone? Then I'm fucking gone." Standing straight, she headed out the bedroom door, not even bothering to slam it as she headed off towards the spare bedroom, slamming that door instead.

The slap still ringing in his ears, Zack shot off a last spiteful remark, "Heh, I don't hafta piss ya off for you t'leave me, Lightnin'!" it was shouted, more because he wasn't looking at her than anything else. Really, that was why he was so angry, whether or not he realized it.. She'd been so quick to abandon him.. well, it seemed that way to him anyway.

Slamming her fist into the wall, a dent was left in the shape of her now cut up knuckles and she grit her teeth as she slumped down onto the bed, drawing her knees up against her chest, burying her face in them. Tears ran from her eyes, trailing from her knees, along her thighs. She didn't make a sound, but she couldn't stop the tears.

Having heard the arguing and the door slamming, followed by a dull thud of a fist hitting the wall, Kiri scampered from the engine room and headed for Zack and Lightning's room, poking her head in, the little blue pompom appearing first before her tiny pink nose twitched. "Zack...? Are you alright? I heard shouting, kupo..."

As Kiri entered, Zack's fist and angry shout connected with the wall near their bed, leaving a sizable dent, that likely protruded a decent way into the next room. Gritting his teeth, a speckling of tears on the floor, he shook his head, "I'm fine, Kiri." he certainly didn't -sound- fine. Or look it, considering Kiri's uniquely low angle.

Xaon had blinked when he heard the shouting, and was roused from a little nap he'd been taking in the medical bay (it was warm there, you see. And almost always deserted.), when he heard Lightning slam a wall nearby. Yawning, he stretched as he entered the room she was in, wrinkling his little nose and raising his brows, "Well.. yer awake, what's with the bangin' and shoutin'?" he noticed the tears, too, and approached with a worried expression.

Lightning blinked as she heard Xaon's voice and rubbed away her tears with the back of her fist, which was still admittedly bloodied. "Hm? Oh... me and Zack were just... talking. I'm fine." She smiled awkwardly, like she was on the verge of crying more, but the woman soon let her chin settle on her knees as she averted her gaze.

Kiri scoffed slightly, pushing the door shut as she moved over to Zack, drying his tears on her fuzzy hands before plonking herself down on the floor in front of him. She could clearly see he wasn't fine, and was obviously not going to take his words for anything but complete lies. "You're not fine, kupo. What's wrong? Did you and Lightning have an argument?"

"Somethin' like that." he sighed, and swung his broken leg around carefully, so he could at least sit comfortably. He was still angry, but not at Kiri, and Zack managed to master the emotion enough to muster a small, if shaky, smile. "Just.. yeah, I mean.. She goes off to die, so I killed what was gonna off 'er, and sure I broke my leg, but she acts like I had no right t'do it?" he clenched and unclenched his fists around the cane, trying to rationalize it with little success.

"Feh, that there's some loud talkin', Lightning. I've heard you and Zack go at it less loud than that, so I don't think ya were just talkin'." he availed himself of the blonde, pushing her head up off of her knees as he climbed up and into her lap, leaning back against her legs. This way she had no real choice but to look at him, "So, don't kid a kidder.. I know my fair share've arguments. C'mon."

She sighed slightly and then suddenly Xaon had shimmied his way onto her lap and she glared at the moogle. However, she kept her temper under control and looked across the room, trying to find somewhere to set her gaze that wasn't the eyes of that little male on her lap. "We were arguing. He just doesn't get why I'm mad at him." She sighed and curled her arms around Xaon, pouting slightly. "It took so much for me to be able to do what I did and the fact that I was going to leave him like... like Aerith did... I felt so guilty... but I just didn't want to turn corpse where I could hurt you guys..."

The moogle scrunched her nose up at Zack, scooting to grasp Zack's hand with her own tiny one. "She probably didn't mean it the way it came out, kupo. Lightning isn't the type of person to willingly give up and die without a damn good reason." She pouted in thought, her wings twitching repeatedly. "Maybe she was just upset because she'd drummed up the courage to do it and then you got hurt stopping her..."

"Well she shouldn't'a done it in the first damn place." his tone was sharp, but then he softened it, sighing a little, "I already lost one girl 'cause I couldn't help.. then she decides, what? She's gonna go and die for some stupid thing where he choices were die and become a crystal, or die and become a monster? Really? Says a lot about 'er faith in me.." he sniffed, more tears hitting the floor.

The brown male ruffled his almost bristly fur a bit, thinking, "Well.. I get that part, how ya didn't wanna hurt us.. But.. did you tell him why you were mad at him? Zack's the kinda guy who'd wanna save you, even if it was impossible, I think he'd try anyway." he reached up with both hands, and rubbed her cheeks gently, kissing her chin, "Maybe he's mad 'cause he doesn't get why you did it. If Kiri just took off on me, I'd be miffed 'cause, well, I'd feel like she was abandoning me or something. Then again, Moogles aren't Humes, so maybe that's not it.."

"I said it was what I had to do... it's my choice. My job, even." She frowned, scrunching her nose up. "I know he'd try to help no matter what but I said my goodbye and... it... it hurt so much to walk away, but I had to." She bit her lip as a few more tears ran down her face, her fist coming to rub them away again. "I hate myself for what I did, but I had to and he should respect me enough to let me make that decision, even if it means I'd die."

Kiri sighed and scooted closer, curling her arms around his neck and kissing the corner of his mouth. "I know you lost one girl, but Lightning is not a normal girl. She's got a lot weighing on her shoulders..." Nuzzling him affectionately, trying to sooth him a little bit. "You just got to assume she'd never leave you if she didn't think she had to. Maybe she didn't think there was another choice, kupo..."

"Maybe, but why's she so mad that I saved her? I mean, sure, I get she can be mad about my leg, but like I told her.. I've got two, right? It'll heal, and we'll be fine.." he sighed and hugged the small woman, "I didn't even mean to get so mad, but.. I mean, I dropped a God for her, or something she claimed was a God, and saved her life. A thank you before she got pissed woulda been great.. Or maybe not just deciding to go off and die.."

Xaon cuddled up to Lightning and patted her neck with one hand, his pompom bopping her head, "Lookit, yer both kids sometimes. I'm sure he respects ya plenty, but going off to die? That ain't a choice you make all on yer own when yer with someone, Lightning. If he was your friend, and only a friend, then maybe.. but you two love eachother, y'know? I know it hurts, and it's gotta hurt more when you mean to die, but don't, but you and him got a good thing goin', right?"

"There was no other way, Xaon. He would not understand. He's a normal, albeit hideously enhanced, human being. I... I'm a monster." She fell silent, swallowing thickly. She felt like a monster. That was what a l'Cie was. A beast. A monster. A wasted life destined only to suffer at the hands of a cruel fate. She was, in her honest opinion, nothing more than a normal fiend. A beast to be slain.

Kiri squeaked slightly as she was hugged, then flopped to get comfortable in Zack's grasp. "You know, she might not have thought she -had- a choice." Kiri wiggled her feet a moment, fluttering her wings as she got more comfortable. "Have you even asked her? Kupo, who am I kidding? You two have such short fuses and opposing personalities." Squirming from his grasp, she hopped onto the floor. "Oh well! If you're going to throw it all away without trying to see each other's point of view then there's nothing I can do, kupo!" Reverse psychology. Hopefully, it -does- work every time.

Zack blinked at Kiri when she mentioned whether or not he'd asked her, and then throwing it all away. Then he blinked again, "What? Are you high? I'm just a little miffed is all.. it ain't so bad that I don't wanna be with 'er.." he sighed, and worked to get his butt off the floor, wincing and sighing as he put weight on his cane, "D'you know where she went?"

Xaon pinched her cheek and smirked, "Yer about as much a monster as a Moogle or a SOLDIER, kiddo. Maybe Zack doesn't seeya that way, hmm? Didja bother to ask him whatcha mean to him?" he slipped away, sauntering a little, having the same tact as his lady, "But hey, who am I kidding. Monsters don't have happy endings, do they? I'm off to find my Kiri." and he slipped from the room, wondering if that'd work on her.

Lightning frowned, watching him go before swiftly burying her face against her knees. She knew what she meant to Zack. Still, he was right, monsters don't have happy endings. She swallowed thickly, unable to shake the feeling that she would never find a happy ending. It was true that all Pulse and Cocoon saw the l'Cie as were monsters. Monsters don't get happy endings. Kiri toddled off out the room, wings fluttering as she went. "Spare room~. I think Xaon went to talk to her, kupo!" With that, she bounced off to her engine room.

Zack hobbled out of his room with a sigh. Spare room.. they had lots of those. He did the easiest thing and followed his sense for her magic, which he tended to crave sometimes. Gingerly, he poked his head into the room, and smiled faintly when he saw her, "Give an idiot a few minutes've yer time?"

She blinked up at him, a few stray tears escaping from her reddened eyes. Her whole face was puffier thanks to crying and she was sniffling like she had the flu. "Um... okay..." Resting her chin on her knees, after rubbing away her tears, Lightning hugged them closer to her chest, almost trying to shrink into herself.

Zack got into the room easily, and sat down carefully next to her. "Er.. yeah.. you still mad at me..?" he went so far as to, after laying his cane down, place a hand on her shoulder. Really.. seeing her so upset, he couldn't remember why exactly he'd been so angry.

"No..." she mumbled, frowning slightly. "Well... a little." She gripped her pale legs a little tighter, keeping her chin against her knees. "Sorry for... um... slapping you." although you deserved it, she decided not to add. She really didn't want to have another screaming match with him right now.

"Sorry for bein' a jerk about it.." he sighed, and shrugged, "It just.. -bugged- me so much that you didn't even thank me for comin' to save ya.. I mean, yer my gal, how could I not wanna risk my hide to keep yours safe? People always do stupid things when they're in love, y'know."

"I didn't want you to save me, Zack..." she murmured, reaching her hand to rub the l'Cie mark under her t-shirt. Well, Zack's t-shirt, really. "I know you're a Hero and that with what's happened in the past you're scared of losing me but... it was going to happen one way or another. It still can. I'm still a l'Cie."

"So what? Does that make you less of a person..?" he gave her a long look, something akin to disappointment, but closer to betrayal lurking in his eyes. She.. really seemed willing to just up and leave him.. "Why.. why would you want to leave me?" Zack's voice was very small.

"Yes, it does." Her answer was simply but at Zack's second question she tried so hard to glare at him. She wanted to slap him again. Instead... a few more tears streaked her slightly reddened cheeks. "I don't want to, Zack. How can you even think that? It's not a choice I can make. It will happen whether I go to the fal'Cie or not." She looked away from him, her eyes on the door. "It's better we do it sooner rather than later and save you the rest of your life."

He gave her a look of honest confusion, "I killed that stupid fal-sie thing, seriously. Came right down outta the sky and -whack!-, dead. Broke my leg, too. I don't care if yer an l'Cie, or.. or whatever else you could be, you're -my- Lightnin', and I ain't givin' ya up without a fight! I.. what the heck would I do withoutchoo..?" he scooted closer, but didn't hug her like he wanted to.

"You've killed one. There are hundreds, possibly thousands, out there. No matter what, I'll either fail and become a Cie Corpse or I'll succeed and be crystallized. There's no other way around it." She pressed her hand harder against the mark under her shirt, clenching her jaw tightly. "A l'Cie is nothing but a monster. ...monsters don't get happy endings." She frowned and closed her eyes right after. "You'd find your way. Like you always do."

Zack reached over suddenly, and took her chin, tears in his eyes, "You ain't a damn monster. Yer a person, as much as anyone else can claim to be. It ain't birth or powers or anythin' like that that makes you one," his grip had become tight as he spoke, though he wasn't doing it on purpose, as his other hand moved to tap over her heart, "What makes ya a monster, or a person, is in here. Monsters don't get happy endings, but then again, neither do SOLDIERs. Let's just prove 'em wrong, okay? I said I'd save ya, and I plan on it."

"Nhh... Zack, you're hurting me..." she whimpered slightly, trying to push his hand away from her chin. There'd be bruises. She just knew that. She bruised easily and he sometimes seemed to forget his strength. She didn't say anything else. What could she say? She'd always believe that she was a monster, it was something she'd been coming to terms with. Knowing that, she wouldn't openly dismiss his words but inside she felt the same as always. A monster destined to destroy the world.

The man snatched his hand away, then gently touched her chin, casting his Regen spell on her out of habit. "Lookit.. I'm sorry for what I said.. but y'ain't gonna go and die on me Lightnin'.. I mean, I love you. You love me, right? That's all that matters.. we can take on anythin' with that.."

"Love doesn't save the world. Love doesn't... doesn't save the people we do love." She shook her head, sighing gently. "Love isn't always enough." She knew that for sure. She had loved Serah almost like a daughter, rather than a sister, and Snow had claimed to love her too. Where was she? A crystal that could... could be shattered into a thousand pieces now!! "Oh Gods! Serah!!"

"What? Love can do anythi-" he really did believe that; another product of his mother, his father, and Angeal.. but then she sceamed about Serah, and he raised his brows, "What? What's wrong Lightnin'? What about Serah?"

"She was a crystal at the fal'Cie structure!! I remember it falling! She could be gone..." She covered her mouth with both hands, her eyes wide and full of fear. It felt like losing her all over again and that was the last thin she'd ever want to feel again. "She... she could be nothing but shards of broken glass now..."

Zack nodded, and smiled faintly, standing up a bit awkwardly and waving her on, "C'mon, then, we're still pretty close. We can take th'bug and see if we can find 'er." the man didn't seem like he'd even been arguing with her, now that she had a problem he could solve.

Lightning nodded slightly, shifting off the bed in what she wore, completely dismissing the idea of pants as they headed to the cargo bay, going to the bug. She was terrified that their actions might have completely destroyed any chances of saving Serah. The girl was utterly distraught, yet kept an eerily calm face now. She'd slipped into her coping mode.

"Don't worry, we'll get 'er, Lightnin'." he swung himself over the side of the bug, pulling his cane in after him and settling down in the pilot's seat. Soon, the thing was running and the bay was opened, so he was really just waiting on Lightning to hop in.

Lightning got inside, her hands fumbling at the seatbelt for a few moments, her hands betraying her as they shook. She soon stilled them, managing to hook the strap over her properly and took a deep breath. "Nnh... let's find her. A-and a warning; if she's... you know... I... I might lose it..."

"I'm still yer man, Lightnin'. A bit of yellin' and a broken leg ain't gonna change that." he reached over, and squeezed her thigh in more of a reassuring manner than a perverted one, "If ya hafta lose it, y'know I'll be there for ya. But I'm bettin' she's fine, especially if she's anythin' like you."

She grasped his hand for a moment, as if she was checking to ensure he really was there, then let him go so he could manage the airship. "She better be, or I'll never forgive her..." her gaze fell to her lap for a moment before she leaned to begin sorting out all the diagnostics equipment on the console. She would scan for Serah's bio-signs, simply by inputting her own.

Zack took off, thankfully only needing his arms to pilot the thing. He still moved it as agilely as ever, though his concentration was obviously fully on-task. "Lemme know if ya find anything.. Shit, I shoulda known to grab 'er.."